Thanks to my poet friend, Andrew, for helping me remember my love for poetry!
Here are a few oldies from my University days and beyond. Not sure who would read them, but at least they aren't hiding in my closet anymore :)
"Deception" -- 2000
Good morning, my friend.
I trust you slept well...in your own mind
Drowning out the voice in the back of your hollow chest that screams for MORE
Always able to somehow cover up the aching.
Of course, without me, you would truly be nothing
Me, and my cousin Pride, who rob you of this MORE
You make it so easy, you tarnished Pinnochio
keeping hidden the heavy ropes that tie your being to my Master's desires.
Eat, hungry one.
Eat like you did when we first met.
You know you are the master of your own life,
so take a step closer to my fruit.
Its tantalizing, rotten center calls out your name.
Take of it and eat as before.
You deserve it...besides,
who said those are really chains around your ankles?
Embrace me, my virgin lover
and let me rape your mind to such an extent
that you believe it is your own fault.
You see that this is the only life there is,
but you are too blind to know anything else.
Your mind is clouded by my touch
so that fear of rejection makes you run
Run...into my sensually twisted arms.
Bow down to me, my slave.
For I am your mate, until death only do us part.
Yet you do not even know I am here.
You glance at the Man with nail-scarred hands,
as I whisper to you that He does not really exist.
The cycle continues as you bow at my feet
The Man cries on the tree, your name on His lips
All the while you think that it is YOU ALONE you obey.
So who am I really, my little doll?
I am your lover, I am your friend.
I am in your thoughts, I am keeper of your heart.
Pride and I make sure you are kept blind,
so that you never know of the MORE that you were created for.
Many people eat of my fruit, and like you, they all die.
Let me make you contagious of myself!
You will not feel a thing; for you do not believe I even exist.
"The Battle" -1999
I close my eyes as the swords are drawn,
feeling the clash if iron upon iron
the grinding of two passing Spirits.
My mind reels while the battle begins,
not knowing whether to charge or retreat;
the future has been revealed to me,
but the wind is often more easily captured than faith.
The roaring attack penetrates my screaming soul.
I feel completely helpless and defeated, but
Light consumes every dark corner around me.
Passion rages within my veins and rushes throughout.
I am choking; I can neither move nor speak
but the Light...the Light is what keeps my vision clear.
Slowly, as I drop my sword and let another take it,
the grinding vanishes.
It is no longer my soul screaming out...
"The Martyr" -- 9/3/99
I shot my dog today.
There was no blood. Just the faint aroma
of a friendship from long ago, and a
tainted love to ill to ever be.
I did not cry. I did not grieve. I just numbly pulled the trigger.
I shot my dog today.
The same poor creature that performed at my every request.
The same animal that licked my wounds, only to turn and
bite my heels before running off to another master.
It is he that I shot, and over he that I will not mourn.
I shot my dog today.
My youthful companion, with charming eyes and a tongue of gold.
He did not whimper; having been beat too many times
to count by his own cold hand. He took the bullet with false nobility,
making me the killer.
I finally shot my dog today.
Man's best friend. Woman's worst enemy.
He did not whimper. I did not cry.
Both...are now free.
"Frustrated" -- 26/8/99
you, with the cracked mask called religion
stoning the sinner wearing too plain of a wooden cross.
your cross shines brighter than most, often SO bright
you cannot see the misery of your chains
...which, are not really there anymore.
you long to fly, but your broken wings scream
for someone other than yourself and a Band-Aid.
one hand fiercely gripping the mask, the other
holding a stone.
you forget Whose hand made you,
so you stone yourself.
"Living Psalm 73" -- 26/11/2001
Jesus...You once promised to hold me by the right hand,
to guide me and take me to glory--
I search blindly in the dark, but can't find Your scars.
Senseless and ignorant, reaching for the wounds
that i myself made--while evil men scoffed.
I am a sick, brute beast before You, but You still reach
for my hand, remaining all the while my guide and counsel.
Jesus, won't You hold my hand
In all Heaven, it's You I seek
Oh Lord, help me to stand
I am sick and my heart is weak,
the world has nothing I desire, nor anything I need
draw near to me, Jesus, let me tell of all Your deeds.
Jesus...You promised to hold me up, to be good to the pure in heart--
my heart seems pure, but my blood runs green around the wicked.
Pride and self replace the cross around my neck.
Oh Lord, where are You?
Why does my foot sllip, yet my enemy stands so strong?
Lonely and plagued, my flesh fails me...
But I know You are my strength and my portion forever!
Jesus, won't You hold my hand
In all Heaven, it's You I seek
Oh Lord, help me to stand
I am sick and my heart is weak,
the world has nothing I desire, nor anything I need
draw near to me, Jesus, let me tell of all Your deeds.
Jesus, I give You my hand.
You are the only One I seek.
Lord, please teach me to stand
my flesh is failing, and I am so weak.
the world has nothing I desire, nor anything I need
draw near to me, Jesus, let me tell of all Your deeds.
The world has nothing I desire besides You;
so draw near to me Jesus, my strength is in You alone.
"Behind Glass Doors" -- 1999
Cracks, tarnishes, chips.
All have been covered and healed..
Spotless, clean, without blemish.
Afraid to touch you, my grandmother's china cabinet
with all its treasures stored up within the glass doors;
the transparent, glass doors that allow anyone to see within.
Seeing--but not quite able to touch.
Burning to reach inside, to all the beauty on its shelves;
yet afraid to leave even the slightest fingerprint.
No one is to know I was here; what I saw.
Such precious gifts locked away, only to be taken out when needed.
I yearn to help, but I cannot touch what's behind that glass.
Not wanting to slip, not wanting to break what's been remade.
So I will only sit and look from afar,
Maybe soon I won't be as clumsy.
"You" --1998
Sinking into your pool of warm and laughing blue
The familiarity of diving in too deep--
I still feel the sting of contact on my skin.
Wading around in a lake of dreams;
trying to keep my head up while my heart struggles to stay afloat.
Your pool is too shallow for a swim,
but too deep to escape.
Keeping my head up, kicking hard, but not drowning...just yet.
And my heart?
It still remains afloat in your blue...
"Improve After Reading Martin Luther King Jr." -- 2001
I tied my shoes for the first time
and chased after the wind
I took the extra wheels off my bike
and tried to catch the sunshine
I made the team!
and wanted to fly like a bird
I had my first kiss
and reached for the stars
I graduated high school
and almost caught the wind...
I met the Man from Galilee
and lost the darkness of deception
and now...I dance with Life.
"Until I Tripped" -- Feb. 1999
Putting all else aside, I push forward in this race called life.
I've stumbled along the way; hurting ones that meant the most,
allowing things of another world to cloud my view.
I talk like I know the Man with Scarred hands.
I pretend that I can be, and sometimes am, exactly like Him...
only my scars aren't because of Love.
What is Love? How can I say that I know of Love
when I love the race itself so much?
Didn't realize that I was running the race in shackles
until I tripped...until I came off the track.
I didn't cry like everyone thought I would
I instead found that pretense and false reality are stronger used
than emotions.
Where is the track? How do I get back on?
This time, instead of getting up alone,
I allow the Man with Scarred hands to pick me up.
He says He will carry me the rest of the way,
but I must promise to not look back,
except to ask forgiveness and move on again.
And the reality?
I never really knew Love...until I tripped.
"The Waterfall"--1991 (7th grade!)
There once was a waterfall
Tall, ever flowing, deep
It always feel hard, but it was quiet & shy
It was as if a great boulder was holding it back
The water was hardly flowing, yet obvious
The one day the boulder broke
The water came down hard
And all those around heard it
Now it flows deeper than before
It appears taller
And is forever flowing
"The Flower" --1991
A bee is buzzing around some flowers
The air is damp from the recent showers
Enjoying the sunlight, enjoying life
Enjoying the world, no troubles or strife
Softly he lands on a pale yellow rose
From its golden petals happiness flows
The helpless bee, unaware of danger
The hard falling snow, a cold white stranger
As time goes by the rose will slowly die
Its petals will wilt and life will pass by
It's hard to believe a beauty one day
The next it's gone, the life drained away
But life starts over, it shall live again
A new flower, winter has never been.
"Haiku's by Mandy--2000"
In death I've found life
my freedom is finally here
Death, only to live
Fighting to be real
sick of acting not on stage
why can't you see me
Tired of being friends
none to understand my heart
But never alone
"What I Call Home" --2002 (*a very angry poem written after returning to the USA from 3rd world Venezuela)
This is the place that I call home.
Conceived and born on a bed of green
in a land where vision is blind
New dreams fly while the old return to dust
My being, once bound by the fallen towers
now fights for TRUTH
I tremble as a star-spangled voice shakes the earth
knowing that it, too, will one day fade away.
This place I call home, in which I am an alien
a land built on the courage of liberators
and the blood of revoluntionaries
a land that has forgotten its roots.
Now destroys other children of the dream
the collar wrapped so tightly around its neck
it can only breath its own vanity.
Sinking in green...
This is the place I call home.
Where this green blinds the senses and sinks its iron jaws deep into the earth.
My home, where "God Bless" is sung
while mechanical warriors rape its neighbors
I, once, was just as blind
forsaking no other gods before my home.
This is the place I call home, over which I now weep.
Why do others not see? How can they not hear?
The blood of old dreamers cries out one last time
"The end is near...remember the Dream!"
Instead, my home bowns down to the green,
straightens its collar and continues to spoil its capitalist child.
A foreigner in my own home;
My voice will NOT go unheard!!!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
Why Did the Elephant Cross the Road?
Every time I look at this photo I think about what I was feeling when I took the photo.
We were in Africa, on a bus, and I had not been to the toilet in about 6 hours....
Our group was scheduled for a boat ride down the Nile River, and we were already 15 minutes late.....
None of us had had a warm shower in about 72 hours....
We hadn't eaten since early that morning, so we were starving....
This was my first time seeing elephants (I was PUMPED) but I couldn't enjoy them because I was hungry, smelly, late, and above all BUSTING for the toilet!
These crossing elephants represent sooo much that can happen in our lives!
Road blocks, frustrations, obstacles that slow down the journey to your promise, etc. Times when you know that you are meant to be somewhere, but you just can't seem to get there. Often painful times.
The greatest part of this photo is what was actually happening behind the camera. There were 12 other ladies feeling the same way. We were sharing snacks, passing out face wipes & deoderant, keeping each other calm and most importantly distracting each other from the intense needs for a toilet! We were united in friendship and cause, and we couldn't have waited (what seemed like 20 minutes for the elephants to cross) without each other.
I know that many of us have dreams, goals, and destinies yet to be fulfilled. Sometimes it feels like fat elephants are blocking us from reaching where we know we are called to be. And if there are people "following" us or looking up to us, it can make it harder to know that just because we've had to stop for awhile, everyone behind us has to wait as well. How great it is to know that we have Sisters, friends, pillars of encouragement that can help us have the strength to wait and also the courage to keep going when the timing is right!
You may be going through difficult times, but know that the elephants will not stay in the road forever. If you surround yourself with "friends to your destiny" (people who believe in you, support you and encourage your dreams) then you won't even really notice how hungry you are or how badly you need the toilet. Oh, how it's refreshing to know that people love you despite your "smell!" And a good tip (that I'm currently living & learning) is that truly connecting with God makes the time go by faster. We are truly made mature when we realize that despite the size of the road block, nothing matters except knowing Jesus intimately (John 15 & Phil. 3:7-10).
This is what God gave me today while connecting with Him. I hope it encourages you like it did me:
Isaiah 55:8 says that God's ways and thoughts are not like ours....they are higher, bigger and better!
John 14 speaks of the Holy Spirit as our great Counselor (for times when we're waiting for the elephants to move).
2 Peter 1:3 says that God gives us EVERYTHING we need for life and for godliness.
Isaiah 52:12 says that God goes before us and surrounds us like a shield.
Romans 8:28 says He works everything out for the *good.*
Ecc. 3:11 says that God makes everything beautiful in its time!
Remember to enjoy the journey and the scenery as it unfolds!
*Why did the elephant cross the road?*
*Was it the chicken's day off? Nope...because she saw her girlfriend with a coffee on the other side!!! :-) *
Monday, September 14, 2009
Uganda
I’ve been home nearly 1 ½ weeks now, and I haven’t been able to bring myself to sit down and really write of my journey. I’m a writer; writing is what I love and part of what I do for a living. But it is a daunting task sitting down to put words to all the things that have made my heart want to explode. It’s very difficult to convey to someone who wasn’t there what needs to be conveyed. To describe what I saw, where I went, whom I met in such detail that would make the reader feel as if they too had experienced it…very few writers can do this well. And trying to filter through who actually really cares—this too often proves to be discouraging. Life at home always carries on as usual, even when others are helping to rewrite someone else’s story.
So after much thinking, rethinking and processing, I realized that the lives I helped to rewrite do deserve to have their stories told…even if I only give highlights of the journey. To quote one of my favourite songwriters, Brooke Fraser: “Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go of who you are… I am responsible…”
I have an ample amount of things to write, but for now I have compiled summaries and a few thoughts. If you don’t read it, I won’t be offended. If you only skim through it and catch the headlines, that’s fine as well. Despite the chances that no one reads it, I am still responsible to tell the story of these beautiful people. Our lives are so much bigger than ourselves, and I hope that someone may find it encouraging, refreshing and inspiring to hear stories outside their own.
Regardless of what you just skim, how much you take in or what you find encouraging, the disclaimer is that this is about Jesus. 2 Corinthians 5:14 says “For Christ’s love compels us…” It is only HIS love and what He has done for me that gives me the strength, courage and desire to work for an organization like Watoto, much less go and do the things that I’ve done in Uganda. What happened day to day has so little to do with me, and so hugely to do with the Goodness and Grace of God.
1. Tour of Dubai (stopover before Africa). I’ll be honest…I loath Dubai. When we first arrived I was completely in awe of the grandeur of the architecture—until I found out the cost of building some of the hotels and high rises there. The cost of one night in one of Dubai’s biggest hotels could literally build a single home for Watoto’s parentless children in Uganda. The cost to build some of the attractions in Dubai could probably build an entire village (or two). The pride and greed of humanity is blatantly apparent in Dubai, and definitely more sobering than just getting on a plane and turning up in Africa.
2. Arrival in Uganda. We flew into Entebbe and drove 45 minutes to Kampala. Kampala is the capitol city, so it doesn’t look very “African” just yet. We stayed in a home called “Adonai 5 Guesthouse.” Adonai felt like a mansion! None of us were very sure how to feel about this large home in the middle of Africa…but we were humbled by how well Watoto took care of us. 13 ladies in total on the team, such a GREAT group of ladies!
3. Living Hope, Kampala. Words cannot describe. The women were beautiful--all HIV positive. Most of them have lost their husbands, and all of them have 4 or more children, so they’re part of the Living Hope program because they are unable to take care of themselves. Watoto’s Living Hope program seeks to restore dignity to vulnerable women through many programs such as trauma counselling, help with HIV anti-viral medication, and other things such as sewing skills and spiritual discipleship. We started off teaching them basic sewing and cross-stitch skills so that they can sell things in the local markets for money. At the end of the week, we did a day of pampering (facials, feet and back massages). There were two ladies who stood out for me in particular: Doreen & Jane.
Doreen’s Story: Doreen came in to the Living Hope centre a day later than the other ladies. We were all a little unsure of whether she was a woman or a man at first. Doreen did not smile, she smelled bad, and because she didn’t speak English or the Kampala dialect none of us could even communicate with her. It was difficult to work with her and we were unsure of if she’d turn up again…but she did turn up, day after day! By the end of the week, Doreen’s hard work paid off and she was able to cross-stitch something on her own. The best part was that we saw her smile…by Friday, she was dressing differently, she smelled clean, and she was smiling. I don’t know Doreen’s history, but she’s obviously not had the easiest life. It was beautiful to see her transform in only a few days.
Jane’s Story: Jane is very sick. She quite honestly has the smallest frame that I have ever seen. Jane’s HIV case is advanced, and we didn’t find out until the end of the week just how sick she was. She had been severely abused in the past and had 5 children with no husband. On Friday Jane arrived late…we were told that she had been at the hospital since the night before. Her kidneys were shutting down, and she was in a lot of pain. But Jane wanted to be with us so bad, she literally had someone carry her to the centre! Later that day when we were massaging her back, we realized that we could be the last people who would touch Jane in a loving way.
4. Preaching to the Living Hope Ladies. I believe that speaking/preaching is a gift that I have and unfortunately have not been able to use very much over the past few years. I was asked one of my first days in Kampala to speak to the Living Hope ladies. So I did….then I was asked again the next day! I believe it was the last day that I was speaking, I realized (while one of the staff was translating what I had just said) that I was at that very moment living a dream. At that very moment, I was not thinking of my selfish desires or myself. I wasn’t concerned with how I looked, what anyone thought of me or what task I had to complete. I was standing raw and vulnerable before 50 women from the third-world, bringing the message of God’s love and pointing them to Jesus. One lady even cried and I was told later she became a born again Christian. More than anything else so far in the trip, this was certainly a highlight because I was alive and living wide awake…
5. Safari. We spent about 5-6 hours in a jeep, tromping across the Ugandan savannah searching for animals that I have only ever seen in a zoo! We saw elephants, giraffes, antelopes, spring-boks, baboons, hippos, lions, water buffalo, and leopards. Leopards, which had not been seen in many weeks! My boss, who has been to Africa 26 times in his life, had NEVER seen a leopard in the wild. We prayed so hard to see them, and God answered….it was amazing! Even more amazing though was sunset over the Nile River….nothing like it!
6. Gulu. Gulu is in the Northern part of Uganda, near the Sudanese border. For many years, Gulu has been war torn. Starting in 1987, a group called the “Lord’s Resistance Army” (LRA) wanted to take over Uganda, so they formed their own army, made of children. They began to abduct children as young as 4 years old and forced them to be soldiers. These children were made to do unspeakable acts of torture, murder, and other very animalistic traits just to survive. In the 90’s, young women, some as young as 6 years old, were also abducted and forced to become wives or sex slaves to these young soldiers. After many years of trauma, abuse and prayers, some of these child soldiers and wives have been released (or ran away) and are currently being rehabilitated through Watoto in Gulu.
The role of my team in Gulu was to train some of the Church volunteers to do the pampering (face, feet, nails and back massage) and then practically reach out to the Living Hope women in Gulu by working with the volunteers in spending time pampering the Living Hope ladies and making them feel beautiful. Like the Living Hope ladies in Kampala, all of these ladies are HIV positive and have several children but no husband to care for them. The difference is that most of these ladies have also been severely abused….several were mutilated and very few of them made eye contact. To spend time pampering a woman who has only ever been touched in an abusive way has the power and potential to change her life. It also has the power to change our lives too, if we let it.
Grace’s Story. Grace was the first Living Hope lady in Gulu that I was going to massage. I was already nervous because I had no idea how to control what was happening in my heart. From the moment we arrived in Gulu, I felt so flustered internally…in Kampala for example, the children on the streets (even the beggars) would come alive and climb over each other to smile at us and give us a wave. But in Gulu (where for a child, the terror of being abducted only ended last year) it appeared that anyone who is not from your neighbourhood is not to be trusted right away. The difference at first was almost surreal. Many children in Gulu seem to stare at you with mistrust rather than excitement and a wave. A smile seems nearly impossible to get from them (with the exception of the children from the local churches). Having seen a few documentaries, I knew that many of these houses had once lost a child or two. The hospital across the street from our accommodation is the same building that the night commuter children used to hide in for fear of being abducted. Even the Living Hope quarters itself was a government building given to Watoto, which was once a camp for the children who were hiding from the LRA. So when Grace came out in her robes for her massage, I had to swallow my tears at the sight of her mutilated body. Grace had been one of the wives of one of the generals of the LRA. She was in her 20’s, HIV positive, had 6 children and had escaped from the LRA the year before. Her back was covered with vertical scar tissue where she had been stabbed and torn open, and over these scars were horizontal razor cuts. All up and down her arms were cigarette burn marks, and her legs were covered with dark spots were chunks had literally been removed by knives. Part of her ears were missing, and her bottom lip had been split (a number of times it seemed). She had no open wounds so I was safe…in fact, none of her scars were very recent at all. Grace had a past.
I will never forget feeling paralysed. The rest of my teammates had already started massaging their ladies. The worship music was soft, the candles and incense lit and it was the perfect environment for a good 15-minute back massage. But I couldn’t move. I literally couldn’t move….
It’s funny how all in a matter of a few brief seconds, so many things can go through your mind. I thought of Jesus, and how He had some of these similar scars…He had them so that women like myself and Grace (ironic name hey?) could have hope and live in relationship with Him.
I thought of the Watoto Children’s Choir who I work so hard to promote in Australia. I thank GOD that they don’t ever have to go through what Grace has been through.
I thought of the atmosphere….how only two years ago this same building--now filled with worship music, candles and women who are full of hope--was then filled with parentless children literally hiding for their lives. It was full of feces, riddled with disease, terror and hopelessness. To look at it now was almost more than my emotions could bare.
It wasn’t until I made eye contact with another team member a few seconds later that I realized how incredibly HONOURED I was to be at that very place, at that very moment, massaging beautiful Grace. I held back the tears and went to loving on her….at the end of 15 minutes I was able to pray for her, and she in turn asked to pray for ME. I was so humbled! Compared to her, I am a fat, wealthy American living the dream in Australia with my good health and great home, yet she wanted to pray for me. She prayed (in broken English) for my future children, that they would know Jesus and be successful. She prayed that I would continue to walk with God and that my marriage would be healthy and fruitful. Grace then came back to me about an hour later and asked me to write down just my first name in her Bible, so that she could continue to pray for me. I was changed…and hopefully so was she.
Mary’s Story (not her real name). “Mary” was another lady that I met at Living Hope. Many of you reading this have seen “Mary” at one time or another, on some form of media or promo material. Mary was discovered several years ago by an organization that is not linked to Watoto. Mary was abducted at a young age by the LRA and forced to do the most horrendous things. Her face has been mutilated and disfigured due to her “disobedience” as a wife. She has several children, she has HIV, is around 20 years old, and some of her relatives and friends are part of Watoto’s Living Hope program. Mary, however, is not part of the program.
I sat with Mary for about 30 minutes one day. She had actually came to volunteer her time putting together food baskets at Living Hope to give to those women “less fortunate” than her (can you believe it). She doesn’t speak English very well, so the majority of our time was spent just playing together with her two-year old daughter and hugging each other. At the end of the 30 minutes, our team was beginning the pampering session with the Living Hope ladies. Mary suddenly had this terribly sad look on her face, and prepared her little girl to leave. Instead of joining the queue for a facial or foot massage, Mary and her daughter were leaving Living Hope. My heart sank a little because I wasn’t sure if I had done something to offend Mary. Later, however, I was told by the Living Hope Coordinator in Gulu more of Mary’s story.
When Mary was discovered by this other group, they made her some promises and had her sign a contract saying she would be a faithful member of their organization and that they alone would support her. Because of her appearance and history, Mary is considered by any media group as “prime promo material.” Becoming part of a program such as Watoto’s Living Hope program means that Mary would be shared with the other organization, which breaks the contract that she signed. So in essence, Mary cannot benefit from any of Living Hope’s initiatives (even being pampered) because Watoto was told by the other organization that she is under their care. Watoto definitely does honour the contract that she has with this group. Mary is well fed by the other organization, and they also help care for her children and say they are raising money for her; sadly they do not offer her the full trauma rehabilitation, medical attention or spiritual guidance that Living Hope offers. Mary therefore volunteers her time helping with Living Hope food distributions for other ladies who need help. Anything that she can do to be around Living Hope makes her happy, especially since many of her friends are part of the program.
The other organization is not a Christian based organization, and we are not sure if Mary is a believer or not. The beautiful thing is that Mary is drawn to Living Hope because she finds the love of Christ there. And despite her personal circumstances, she knows that she can make a difference in the life of others who have her same wounds.
For obvious reasons I cannot give more details than this…in fact, it is actually quite difficult to write much more than this because of how emotional I get about it all. Watoto has been incredibly wise with how they have handled the whole situation, and as painful as it is to see someone not get the full benefits they deserve, they have honoured Mary's agreement with the other group. Pray with me that no matter what, Mary’s life would be restored and that she would know true redemption.
7. The Children’s Villages: Suubi, Bbira & Labora. Watoto does not want to build institutionalized orphanages for Uganda’s parentless children. Their heart is to build homes. There are therefore three villages, two outside Kampala and one in Gulu. Each home has several “clusters” of houses that have been paid for and built by global teams from across the planet. Each cluster has 8-9 homes, and in each home there are eight orphaned children and one house-mother to care for them. Usually the house-mother has been abandoned by her own husband and may/may not be HIV positive. All house-mothers are Christians, and all are given eight children to care for. Between the three villages, Watoto is looking after about 2,000 of Uganda’s orphans. If you’ve seen the Watoto Children’s choir, then you’ve seen a few of thsee 2,000 children who have been given a new future!
I loved all three villages, but Suubi was my absolute favourite! We had lunch in one of the homes with the children and a mother, and then were able to walk around and explore the village. It was amazing for me to be at the home of many of the children from the choir! The highlight for me was going to Ismail’s house. Ismail is one of the precious kids from this year’s choir in Australia whom Carston and I became very close to while the choir was in Brisbane. I knew what number his house was because I promised to go and visit his mother, so I was thrilled to make my way over to see his family. After a lovely chat and beautiful time with his mother, she asked if they could pray for me…soon the whole cluster (8 houses) had come into her little home and they ALL prayed over me!!!! The children were so happy and full of joy, and I figured at that moment that Suubi must be the happiest place on earth!!!! ☺
Of course we had many other adventures, challenges and special moments (like the Watoto Babies’ Home, which rescues abandoned babies from places like rubbish dumps, etc.), but I figured this was more than enough for most of you to read (unless you want more…just ask)!
More than ever, my heart is moved for missions, for Watoto and for Uganda. Seeing the work of Watoto with my own eyes was almost more than I could bare…yet I feel so honoured and privileged to work for such an amazing organization.
I will never be the same….
Pray for Carston and I as we are tentatively planning on returning, hopefully next year on a building team. The hardest part of the trip was not being able to experience it with my husband. I can’t wait for him to see what I have seen….
To end, I’d like to direct you to a short video that a friend of mine showed me. http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=38974b6dd52e94ba5bb2
The lyrics can tell the story better than I ever could….
Love
Mandy
So after much thinking, rethinking and processing, I realized that the lives I helped to rewrite do deserve to have their stories told…even if I only give highlights of the journey. To quote one of my favourite songwriters, Brooke Fraser: “Now that I have held you in my own arms, I cannot let go of who you are… I am responsible…”
I have an ample amount of things to write, but for now I have compiled summaries and a few thoughts. If you don’t read it, I won’t be offended. If you only skim through it and catch the headlines, that’s fine as well. Despite the chances that no one reads it, I am still responsible to tell the story of these beautiful people. Our lives are so much bigger than ourselves, and I hope that someone may find it encouraging, refreshing and inspiring to hear stories outside their own.
Regardless of what you just skim, how much you take in or what you find encouraging, the disclaimer is that this is about Jesus. 2 Corinthians 5:14 says “For Christ’s love compels us…” It is only HIS love and what He has done for me that gives me the strength, courage and desire to work for an organization like Watoto, much less go and do the things that I’ve done in Uganda. What happened day to day has so little to do with me, and so hugely to do with the Goodness and Grace of God.
1. Tour of Dubai (stopover before Africa). I’ll be honest…I loath Dubai. When we first arrived I was completely in awe of the grandeur of the architecture—until I found out the cost of building some of the hotels and high rises there. The cost of one night in one of Dubai’s biggest hotels could literally build a single home for Watoto’s parentless children in Uganda. The cost to build some of the attractions in Dubai could probably build an entire village (or two). The pride and greed of humanity is blatantly apparent in Dubai, and definitely more sobering than just getting on a plane and turning up in Africa.
2. Arrival in Uganda. We flew into Entebbe and drove 45 minutes to Kampala. Kampala is the capitol city, so it doesn’t look very “African” just yet. We stayed in a home called “Adonai 5 Guesthouse.” Adonai felt like a mansion! None of us were very sure how to feel about this large home in the middle of Africa…but we were humbled by how well Watoto took care of us. 13 ladies in total on the team, such a GREAT group of ladies!
3. Living Hope, Kampala. Words cannot describe. The women were beautiful--all HIV positive. Most of them have lost their husbands, and all of them have 4 or more children, so they’re part of the Living Hope program because they are unable to take care of themselves. Watoto’s Living Hope program seeks to restore dignity to vulnerable women through many programs such as trauma counselling, help with HIV anti-viral medication, and other things such as sewing skills and spiritual discipleship. We started off teaching them basic sewing and cross-stitch skills so that they can sell things in the local markets for money. At the end of the week, we did a day of pampering (facials, feet and back massages). There were two ladies who stood out for me in particular: Doreen & Jane.
Doreen’s Story: Doreen came in to the Living Hope centre a day later than the other ladies. We were all a little unsure of whether she was a woman or a man at first. Doreen did not smile, she smelled bad, and because she didn’t speak English or the Kampala dialect none of us could even communicate with her. It was difficult to work with her and we were unsure of if she’d turn up again…but she did turn up, day after day! By the end of the week, Doreen’s hard work paid off and she was able to cross-stitch something on her own. The best part was that we saw her smile…by Friday, she was dressing differently, she smelled clean, and she was smiling. I don’t know Doreen’s history, but she’s obviously not had the easiest life. It was beautiful to see her transform in only a few days.
Jane’s Story: Jane is very sick. She quite honestly has the smallest frame that I have ever seen. Jane’s HIV case is advanced, and we didn’t find out until the end of the week just how sick she was. She had been severely abused in the past and had 5 children with no husband. On Friday Jane arrived late…we were told that she had been at the hospital since the night before. Her kidneys were shutting down, and she was in a lot of pain. But Jane wanted to be with us so bad, she literally had someone carry her to the centre! Later that day when we were massaging her back, we realized that we could be the last people who would touch Jane in a loving way.
4. Preaching to the Living Hope Ladies. I believe that speaking/preaching is a gift that I have and unfortunately have not been able to use very much over the past few years. I was asked one of my first days in Kampala to speak to the Living Hope ladies. So I did….then I was asked again the next day! I believe it was the last day that I was speaking, I realized (while one of the staff was translating what I had just said) that I was at that very moment living a dream. At that very moment, I was not thinking of my selfish desires or myself. I wasn’t concerned with how I looked, what anyone thought of me or what task I had to complete. I was standing raw and vulnerable before 50 women from the third-world, bringing the message of God’s love and pointing them to Jesus. One lady even cried and I was told later she became a born again Christian. More than anything else so far in the trip, this was certainly a highlight because I was alive and living wide awake…
5. Safari. We spent about 5-6 hours in a jeep, tromping across the Ugandan savannah searching for animals that I have only ever seen in a zoo! We saw elephants, giraffes, antelopes, spring-boks, baboons, hippos, lions, water buffalo, and leopards. Leopards, which had not been seen in many weeks! My boss, who has been to Africa 26 times in his life, had NEVER seen a leopard in the wild. We prayed so hard to see them, and God answered….it was amazing! Even more amazing though was sunset over the Nile River….nothing like it!
6. Gulu. Gulu is in the Northern part of Uganda, near the Sudanese border. For many years, Gulu has been war torn. Starting in 1987, a group called the “Lord’s Resistance Army” (LRA) wanted to take over Uganda, so they formed their own army, made of children. They began to abduct children as young as 4 years old and forced them to be soldiers. These children were made to do unspeakable acts of torture, murder, and other very animalistic traits just to survive. In the 90’s, young women, some as young as 6 years old, were also abducted and forced to become wives or sex slaves to these young soldiers. After many years of trauma, abuse and prayers, some of these child soldiers and wives have been released (or ran away) and are currently being rehabilitated through Watoto in Gulu.
The role of my team in Gulu was to train some of the Church volunteers to do the pampering (face, feet, nails and back massage) and then practically reach out to the Living Hope women in Gulu by working with the volunteers in spending time pampering the Living Hope ladies and making them feel beautiful. Like the Living Hope ladies in Kampala, all of these ladies are HIV positive and have several children but no husband to care for them. The difference is that most of these ladies have also been severely abused….several were mutilated and very few of them made eye contact. To spend time pampering a woman who has only ever been touched in an abusive way has the power and potential to change her life. It also has the power to change our lives too, if we let it.
Grace’s Story. Grace was the first Living Hope lady in Gulu that I was going to massage. I was already nervous because I had no idea how to control what was happening in my heart. From the moment we arrived in Gulu, I felt so flustered internally…in Kampala for example, the children on the streets (even the beggars) would come alive and climb over each other to smile at us and give us a wave. But in Gulu (where for a child, the terror of being abducted only ended last year) it appeared that anyone who is not from your neighbourhood is not to be trusted right away. The difference at first was almost surreal. Many children in Gulu seem to stare at you with mistrust rather than excitement and a wave. A smile seems nearly impossible to get from them (with the exception of the children from the local churches). Having seen a few documentaries, I knew that many of these houses had once lost a child or two. The hospital across the street from our accommodation is the same building that the night commuter children used to hide in for fear of being abducted. Even the Living Hope quarters itself was a government building given to Watoto, which was once a camp for the children who were hiding from the LRA. So when Grace came out in her robes for her massage, I had to swallow my tears at the sight of her mutilated body. Grace had been one of the wives of one of the generals of the LRA. She was in her 20’s, HIV positive, had 6 children and had escaped from the LRA the year before. Her back was covered with vertical scar tissue where she had been stabbed and torn open, and over these scars were horizontal razor cuts. All up and down her arms were cigarette burn marks, and her legs were covered with dark spots were chunks had literally been removed by knives. Part of her ears were missing, and her bottom lip had been split (a number of times it seemed). She had no open wounds so I was safe…in fact, none of her scars were very recent at all. Grace had a past.
I will never forget feeling paralysed. The rest of my teammates had already started massaging their ladies. The worship music was soft, the candles and incense lit and it was the perfect environment for a good 15-minute back massage. But I couldn’t move. I literally couldn’t move….
It’s funny how all in a matter of a few brief seconds, so many things can go through your mind. I thought of Jesus, and how He had some of these similar scars…He had them so that women like myself and Grace (ironic name hey?) could have hope and live in relationship with Him.
I thought of the Watoto Children’s Choir who I work so hard to promote in Australia. I thank GOD that they don’t ever have to go through what Grace has been through.
I thought of the atmosphere….how only two years ago this same building--now filled with worship music, candles and women who are full of hope--was then filled with parentless children literally hiding for their lives. It was full of feces, riddled with disease, terror and hopelessness. To look at it now was almost more than my emotions could bare.
It wasn’t until I made eye contact with another team member a few seconds later that I realized how incredibly HONOURED I was to be at that very place, at that very moment, massaging beautiful Grace. I held back the tears and went to loving on her….at the end of 15 minutes I was able to pray for her, and she in turn asked to pray for ME. I was so humbled! Compared to her, I am a fat, wealthy American living the dream in Australia with my good health and great home, yet she wanted to pray for me. She prayed (in broken English) for my future children, that they would know Jesus and be successful. She prayed that I would continue to walk with God and that my marriage would be healthy and fruitful. Grace then came back to me about an hour later and asked me to write down just my first name in her Bible, so that she could continue to pray for me. I was changed…and hopefully so was she.
Mary’s Story (not her real name). “Mary” was another lady that I met at Living Hope. Many of you reading this have seen “Mary” at one time or another, on some form of media or promo material. Mary was discovered several years ago by an organization that is not linked to Watoto. Mary was abducted at a young age by the LRA and forced to do the most horrendous things. Her face has been mutilated and disfigured due to her “disobedience” as a wife. She has several children, she has HIV, is around 20 years old, and some of her relatives and friends are part of Watoto’s Living Hope program. Mary, however, is not part of the program.
I sat with Mary for about 30 minutes one day. She had actually came to volunteer her time putting together food baskets at Living Hope to give to those women “less fortunate” than her (can you believe it). She doesn’t speak English very well, so the majority of our time was spent just playing together with her two-year old daughter and hugging each other. At the end of the 30 minutes, our team was beginning the pampering session with the Living Hope ladies. Mary suddenly had this terribly sad look on her face, and prepared her little girl to leave. Instead of joining the queue for a facial or foot massage, Mary and her daughter were leaving Living Hope. My heart sank a little because I wasn’t sure if I had done something to offend Mary. Later, however, I was told by the Living Hope Coordinator in Gulu more of Mary’s story.
When Mary was discovered by this other group, they made her some promises and had her sign a contract saying she would be a faithful member of their organization and that they alone would support her. Because of her appearance and history, Mary is considered by any media group as “prime promo material.” Becoming part of a program such as Watoto’s Living Hope program means that Mary would be shared with the other organization, which breaks the contract that she signed. So in essence, Mary cannot benefit from any of Living Hope’s initiatives (even being pampered) because Watoto was told by the other organization that she is under their care. Watoto definitely does honour the contract that she has with this group. Mary is well fed by the other organization, and they also help care for her children and say they are raising money for her; sadly they do not offer her the full trauma rehabilitation, medical attention or spiritual guidance that Living Hope offers. Mary therefore volunteers her time helping with Living Hope food distributions for other ladies who need help. Anything that she can do to be around Living Hope makes her happy, especially since many of her friends are part of the program.
The other organization is not a Christian based organization, and we are not sure if Mary is a believer or not. The beautiful thing is that Mary is drawn to Living Hope because she finds the love of Christ there. And despite her personal circumstances, she knows that she can make a difference in the life of others who have her same wounds.
For obvious reasons I cannot give more details than this…in fact, it is actually quite difficult to write much more than this because of how emotional I get about it all. Watoto has been incredibly wise with how they have handled the whole situation, and as painful as it is to see someone not get the full benefits they deserve, they have honoured Mary's agreement with the other group. Pray with me that no matter what, Mary’s life would be restored and that she would know true redemption.
7. The Children’s Villages: Suubi, Bbira & Labora. Watoto does not want to build institutionalized orphanages for Uganda’s parentless children. Their heart is to build homes. There are therefore three villages, two outside Kampala and one in Gulu. Each home has several “clusters” of houses that have been paid for and built by global teams from across the planet. Each cluster has 8-9 homes, and in each home there are eight orphaned children and one house-mother to care for them. Usually the house-mother has been abandoned by her own husband and may/may not be HIV positive. All house-mothers are Christians, and all are given eight children to care for. Between the three villages, Watoto is looking after about 2,000 of Uganda’s orphans. If you’ve seen the Watoto Children’s choir, then you’ve seen a few of thsee 2,000 children who have been given a new future!
I loved all three villages, but Suubi was my absolute favourite! We had lunch in one of the homes with the children and a mother, and then were able to walk around and explore the village. It was amazing for me to be at the home of many of the children from the choir! The highlight for me was going to Ismail’s house. Ismail is one of the precious kids from this year’s choir in Australia whom Carston and I became very close to while the choir was in Brisbane. I knew what number his house was because I promised to go and visit his mother, so I was thrilled to make my way over to see his family. After a lovely chat and beautiful time with his mother, she asked if they could pray for me…soon the whole cluster (8 houses) had come into her little home and they ALL prayed over me!!!! The children were so happy and full of joy, and I figured at that moment that Suubi must be the happiest place on earth!!!! ☺
Of course we had many other adventures, challenges and special moments (like the Watoto Babies’ Home, which rescues abandoned babies from places like rubbish dumps, etc.), but I figured this was more than enough for most of you to read (unless you want more…just ask)!
More than ever, my heart is moved for missions, for Watoto and for Uganda. Seeing the work of Watoto with my own eyes was almost more than I could bare…yet I feel so honoured and privileged to work for such an amazing organization.
I will never be the same….
Pray for Carston and I as we are tentatively planning on returning, hopefully next year on a building team. The hardest part of the trip was not being able to experience it with my husband. I can’t wait for him to see what I have seen….
To end, I’d like to direct you to a short video that a friend of mine showed me. http://www.tangle.com/view_video?viewkey=38974b6dd52e94ba5bb2
The lyrics can tell the story better than I ever could….
Love
Mandy
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Orphans Bring Hope to OZ
From slums to palaces, the remarkable African orphans who make up the Watoto Children’s Choir will come from over the rainbow to bring their energetic musical tribal beats when they embark on the land down under during their whirlwind tour down from May through to August 2009.
The angelic voices emanating from the choir, comprising of 18 children aged from eight to thirteen, belies their horrific start in life. Once living in the slums of Uganda, Africa, these children are now traveling the world as ambassadors for millions of Africa’s orphans who have suffered the loss of their parents due to HIV/AIDS, war, poverty and other disease. These little ones, now filled with joy and hope, have been given a second chance at life through the help of an organization known as the Watoto Child Care Ministries.
Birthed in 1994 by a couple from Canada called Gary & Marilyn Skinner, Watoto Childcare Ministries exists to teach and produce the next generation of Ugandan leaders and citizens. Some of the long term goals include providing familial life and shelter, education, medical care and spiritual guidance to those children left parentless as a result of war and disease. The Children’s Choir, to perform in several countries across the globe, consists of a few of these future leaders who have a heart to raise awareness of the devastation in their country and to enlist the participation of Aussies for the work Watoto has started.
The choir has performed in front of former US President George Bush at the White House, the Queen at Buckingham Palace, and even at Australia’s own Parliament House. In April 2009, the determined youngsters performed on the same Beijing streets as the Olympic gold winners of 2008. They then headed to Shanghai and Hong Kong before making their way to our beautiful Australia.
“Children who are selected to tour on a Watoto Choir get an opportunity of a lifetime as they get to share their story and the hope they now have. Being on tour helps the kids develop life skills and confidence to become the future leaders of their country that they inspire to be” says Mark Bradshaw, Watoto director for Australasia.
2009 is the first time that the Watoto Children’s choir has ever been to Beijing, and for all of the kids, the first time ever stepping foot out of Africa. Jackie Nalumansi, a 10 year old female in the choir, says that she’s excited to come to Australia. “I want Australians to know that I’m going to sing and dance with all my strength to show God’s love” says Nalumansi.
Fred Samula, 11 years old, says that he looks forward to seeing what Australian people eat, while his friend Bridget Mungriek, also 11 years old, wants to see the big buildings and friendly people in Australia.
According to 2007 UNAIDS/WHO*[i] of every 1,000 children in Uganda, 136 children will not live to see their 5th birthday.
Mr. Bradshaw claims that Watoto is different from other organizations in that their core goal is not to just rescue children from poverty and disease but to help them rise above it and become part of the new leadership required in their country in whatever field they inspire to become. In this, they can change their society by providing strong businesses and work ethics with integrity and strong moral standings.
“These children carry the message of hope they themselves experienced at Watoto. The people in Australia are privileged to watch this beautiful choir and to participate in the cause. Australians will be blown away by the best of African contemporary music as presented by the Watoto Children’s Choir” says Esther Agwang from Watoto’s, Ugandan office.
The Watoto Children’s Choir will be holding free concerts across Australia beginning in May in Perth. The schedule includes many smaller towns outside cities such as Adelaide, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney, Darwin, Alice Springs, Tasmania, as well as in the major cities themselves. One of the highlights will be a combined performance with the Ernabella Children’s choir in Ernabella in June.
For full details of the choir’s schedule, or for more about the work of Watoto in Africa and to get involved, check out www.watoto.com.
[i] www.unaids.org
The angelic voices emanating from the choir, comprising of 18 children aged from eight to thirteen, belies their horrific start in life. Once living in the slums of Uganda, Africa, these children are now traveling the world as ambassadors for millions of Africa’s orphans who have suffered the loss of their parents due to HIV/AIDS, war, poverty and other disease. These little ones, now filled with joy and hope, have been given a second chance at life through the help of an organization known as the Watoto Child Care Ministries.
Birthed in 1994 by a couple from Canada called Gary & Marilyn Skinner, Watoto Childcare Ministries exists to teach and produce the next generation of Ugandan leaders and citizens. Some of the long term goals include providing familial life and shelter, education, medical care and spiritual guidance to those children left parentless as a result of war and disease. The Children’s Choir, to perform in several countries across the globe, consists of a few of these future leaders who have a heart to raise awareness of the devastation in their country and to enlist the participation of Aussies for the work Watoto has started.
The choir has performed in front of former US President George Bush at the White House, the Queen at Buckingham Palace, and even at Australia’s own Parliament House. In April 2009, the determined youngsters performed on the same Beijing streets as the Olympic gold winners of 2008. They then headed to Shanghai and Hong Kong before making their way to our beautiful Australia.
“Children who are selected to tour on a Watoto Choir get an opportunity of a lifetime as they get to share their story and the hope they now have. Being on tour helps the kids develop life skills and confidence to become the future leaders of their country that they inspire to be” says Mark Bradshaw, Watoto director for Australasia.
2009 is the first time that the Watoto Children’s choir has ever been to Beijing, and for all of the kids, the first time ever stepping foot out of Africa. Jackie Nalumansi, a 10 year old female in the choir, says that she’s excited to come to Australia. “I want Australians to know that I’m going to sing and dance with all my strength to show God’s love” says Nalumansi.
Fred Samula, 11 years old, says that he looks forward to seeing what Australian people eat, while his friend Bridget Mungriek, also 11 years old, wants to see the big buildings and friendly people in Australia.
According to 2007 UNAIDS/WHO*[i] of every 1,000 children in Uganda, 136 children will not live to see their 5th birthday.
Mr. Bradshaw claims that Watoto is different from other organizations in that their core goal is not to just rescue children from poverty and disease but to help them rise above it and become part of the new leadership required in their country in whatever field they inspire to become. In this, they can change their society by providing strong businesses and work ethics with integrity and strong moral standings.
“These children carry the message of hope they themselves experienced at Watoto. The people in Australia are privileged to watch this beautiful choir and to participate in the cause. Australians will be blown away by the best of African contemporary music as presented by the Watoto Children’s Choir” says Esther Agwang from Watoto’s, Ugandan office.
The Watoto Children’s Choir will be holding free concerts across Australia beginning in May in Perth. The schedule includes many smaller towns outside cities such as Adelaide, Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney, Darwin, Alice Springs, Tasmania, as well as in the major cities themselves. One of the highlights will be a combined performance with the Ernabella Children’s choir in Ernabella in June.
For full details of the choir’s schedule, or for more about the work of Watoto in Africa and to get involved, check out www.watoto.com.
[i] www.unaids.org
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Part of THE Story
Acts 5:18-21
The angel in this passage made it such an urgency to get the apostles free and have them preach again! I was thinking about this when the Holy Spirit whispered to me that this was for ME. That most likely my ancestor was being taught by these men. Most likely the truth about Jesus across the world has come down the line through the teaching that occurred in those days, so that there would be a seed planted in ME for the nations! Whether my ancestors were there or not, I wonder just how long the gospel would have continued without the angel setting them free and commanding them to keep teaching/preaching.
I like to romanticize the gospel because it helps to know that Jesus died for ME; but the truth is it wasn't all for me, or even the unsaved in my small world. The apostles were set free to preach the gospel and that gospel has been given to me to give to MANY others. Many others that Jesus also died for.
I am part of the story. The apostles were released that day so that I could be part of the story.
What if Abraham didn't go to the land he didn't know? What if Moses gave in to insecurity and didn't trust Gods help to set the people free? What if David didn't want to be King, or if Jonah found it easier to die in the whale's belly? What if Jesus decided to give up in the garden before Judas and the men found him?
I am part of this same story. Who will I affect and how will history be different if I don't rise to the heights in which God is calling me? If the train I'm on now suddenly stopped, there would be about 50 trains behind me that would also have to stop.
The story is bigger than me.Acts 4:18 says that the rulers knew that these simple apostles had been with Jesus. That's the key.
It's a shout in my spirit today...I am part of someone else's story, for the Name of Jesus!
The angel in this passage made it such an urgency to get the apostles free and have them preach again! I was thinking about this when the Holy Spirit whispered to me that this was for ME. That most likely my ancestor was being taught by these men. Most likely the truth about Jesus across the world has come down the line through the teaching that occurred in those days, so that there would be a seed planted in ME for the nations! Whether my ancestors were there or not, I wonder just how long the gospel would have continued without the angel setting them free and commanding them to keep teaching/preaching.
I like to romanticize the gospel because it helps to know that Jesus died for ME; but the truth is it wasn't all for me, or even the unsaved in my small world. The apostles were set free to preach the gospel and that gospel has been given to me to give to MANY others. Many others that Jesus also died for.
I am part of the story. The apostles were released that day so that I could be part of the story.
What if Abraham didn't go to the land he didn't know? What if Moses gave in to insecurity and didn't trust Gods help to set the people free? What if David didn't want to be King, or if Jonah found it easier to die in the whale's belly? What if Jesus decided to give up in the garden before Judas and the men found him?
I am part of this same story. Who will I affect and how will history be different if I don't rise to the heights in which God is calling me? If the train I'm on now suddenly stopped, there would be about 50 trains behind me that would also have to stop.
The story is bigger than me.Acts 4:18 says that the rulers knew that these simple apostles had been with Jesus. That's the key.
It's a shout in my spirit today...I am part of someone else's story, for the Name of Jesus!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Just Passing Through
For a few months now, I have been unable to escape the scripture 2 Corinthians 3:17, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." The context around this scripture refers to the doctrine of Christ crucified and a veil of ignorance falling from the faces of those who look to Him. Matthew Henry’s Bible commentary poetically states that “..the condition of those who enjoy and believe the gospel is happy, for the heart is set at liberty to run the ways of God's commandments.”
Liberty in Christ (freedom from sin) is something that many Christians speak of yet have no idea the depth of promises in which they speak. From personal experience, it is hard enough to come to a place where one believes he is freed from sin, much less learning how to walk “in the spirit so that we do not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16). For a long time 2 Corinthians 3:17 would frustrate me because I knew I had the Spirit of God living in me, yet freedom seemed like a dream to never come true. What I didn’t realize, however, is that the original Greek word for “spirit” in this scripture is the same word used in Acts 2, when the Holy Spirit falls upon those at Pentecost. It is the same “Spirit” that Jesus Himself refers to in Acts 1:8, when He says “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses…”
"Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom…."
Bobbie Houston once said, “we prepare in the Spirit so that we can execute in the natural." If scripture is valid and what Bobbie says is true, then just THINK of the areas of our lives that we can have control over!!!
2008 in general seemed to be a really difficult year for most people that I know. Myself and others have dealt with all sorts of issues such as anxiety, fear, discouragement, depression, financial melt-down, even getting out of bed on a daily basis was a constant feat for many people.
I think the challenge for 2009 is clear: What are we going to do about our problems? Are we going to sit down and camp out in our difficulties, begging God for freedom? Or, are we going to start stirring up the Spirit within…the one who BRINGS freedom!
Psalm 84:5-7 says, "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength..." Notice it says that their "hearts are on pilgrimage." They "pass through" the Valley of Baca (Baca means "weeping" by the way). And they MAKE IT a place of springs! They go from "strength to strength..." It does not say “their hearts are set on just getting out.” It does not say “they stop and lay dying in the Valley of Baca.” Nor does it say “they are weak and helpless.” They keep going and do the entire journey even when it hurts. It even says earlier in verse two that their hearts and souls “faint” for the living God. Read the whole Psalm and you will see that the writer understands that he can only pass through the valley by preparing “in the spirit” with God.
Friends, if FREEDOM is where the Spirit of the Lord is, then why don't we seek that Spirit??? Why are we camping in the “Valley of Weeping” rather than preparing in the Spirit to pass through?
Freedom from fear & worry, freedom in finances, freedom from negative thoughts about yourself, freedom from depression....all of these things are found only in Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit. So I DARE YOU to stir it up! I DARE YOU to seek God & His spirit. I challenge you to begin to speak out TRUTH. I dare you to speak in tongues if you can (and ask God for it if you can't) and take authority of your situation instead of camping there. Pass through it, and be the one that turns it into a place of springs for others. Let the rain of the Holy Spirit fall down and cover your life with pools of blessings!!!! Bring the Spirit with you, because He is the one who holds your freedom.
"Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom…."
Liberty in Christ (freedom from sin) is something that many Christians speak of yet have no idea the depth of promises in which they speak. From personal experience, it is hard enough to come to a place where one believes he is freed from sin, much less learning how to walk “in the spirit so that we do not gratify the desires of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16). For a long time 2 Corinthians 3:17 would frustrate me because I knew I had the Spirit of God living in me, yet freedom seemed like a dream to never come true. What I didn’t realize, however, is that the original Greek word for “spirit” in this scripture is the same word used in Acts 2, when the Holy Spirit falls upon those at Pentecost. It is the same “Spirit” that Jesus Himself refers to in Acts 1:8, when He says “But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses…”
"Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom…."
Bobbie Houston once said, “we prepare in the Spirit so that we can execute in the natural." If scripture is valid and what Bobbie says is true, then just THINK of the areas of our lives that we can have control over!!!
2008 in general seemed to be a really difficult year for most people that I know. Myself and others have dealt with all sorts of issues such as anxiety, fear, discouragement, depression, financial melt-down, even getting out of bed on a daily basis was a constant feat for many people.
I think the challenge for 2009 is clear: What are we going to do about our problems? Are we going to sit down and camp out in our difficulties, begging God for freedom? Or, are we going to start stirring up the Spirit within…the one who BRINGS freedom!
Psalm 84:5-7 says, "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength..." Notice it says that their "hearts are on pilgrimage." They "pass through" the Valley of Baca (Baca means "weeping" by the way). And they MAKE IT a place of springs! They go from "strength to strength..." It does not say “their hearts are set on just getting out.” It does not say “they stop and lay dying in the Valley of Baca.” Nor does it say “they are weak and helpless.” They keep going and do the entire journey even when it hurts. It even says earlier in verse two that their hearts and souls “faint” for the living God. Read the whole Psalm and you will see that the writer understands that he can only pass through the valley by preparing “in the spirit” with God.
Friends, if FREEDOM is where the Spirit of the Lord is, then why don't we seek that Spirit??? Why are we camping in the “Valley of Weeping” rather than preparing in the Spirit to pass through?
Freedom from fear & worry, freedom in finances, freedom from negative thoughts about yourself, freedom from depression....all of these things are found only in Jesus, through the power of the Holy Spirit. So I DARE YOU to stir it up! I DARE YOU to seek God & His spirit. I challenge you to begin to speak out TRUTH. I dare you to speak in tongues if you can (and ask God for it if you can't) and take authority of your situation instead of camping there. Pass through it, and be the one that turns it into a place of springs for others. Let the rain of the Holy Spirit fall down and cover your life with pools of blessings!!!! Bring the Spirit with you, because He is the one who holds your freedom.
"Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom…."
Friday, October 3, 2008
My Life's Story
Someone once told me that I have the ability to write well because I am passionate, honest, and real. Sure, I am honest about my struggles and real about the fact that I DO struggle. So if I’m reeeeeeaaaaally honest, I’d admit that I have never written about my salvation experience (my Life Story) because for many years I was ashamed of my past. How ironic that for so long, I missed the whole point of my salvation.
The truth is, if you read nothing else of this story, all you really need to know about me is this: Jesus rescued me. Not just from “hell”, but from myself. He rescued me, gave me beauty for the ashes of my life (as seen in Isaiah 61:3), and then restored me and gave me so much more in life than I ever deserved.
So if you’re still reading my story, I guess I better start at the beginning with all the gory details. I grew up as an only child in a Christian family in America’s “bible belt” where there is almost literally a Church on every corner. I attended quite religious Churches where I was always made to feel crappy about SOMETHING that I wasn’t doing or should be doing. I know it wasn’t their intention, but these “religious experiences” really wounded my heart and left me feeling like I’d never be “good enough.”
Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, but I realized quickly that doing excellent in school and making the best grades in the class was certain to gain me great attention and make me feel better about myself. I’m so thankful to say that my parents were never guilty of ever making me feel like I had to perform for their approval; however, something inside of me constantly felt like I had to be the best to be approved by people, even by other kids (I rathered being a “nerd” than not noticed at all). I learned to despise myself if I wasn’t “the best.” But by the time that 6th & 7th grade came along, I realized that there were kids much smarter and more talented than me. I remember 8th grade when I only won 3 of the big 5 awards the grade offered, and I was devastated and deeply shamed for weeks after. Again, I had proved to myself that I wasn’t “special.”
8th grade is also when boys began to notice me. In this I found a less arduous way to get attention to fill the emptiness in my heart and silence the voices that constantly accused me of being “messed up.” I was still involved in Church, but because my behaviour with the boys was less than “godly” in some ways, I was often at the center of gossip. Some of the kids even felt the need to tell me all the hurtful things that their parents had said about me. My poor heart was a mess, so I learned to lie to keep the “Church people” happy.
By 10th grade boys were an addiction. I was always too afraid to try drugs, but male attention seemed to be the thing that kept me going. I was also too “religious” to have sex, but other physical things seemed ok for me. My heart grew further away from the Church because of how I was treated, and the deep shame that I lived with kept me from God. I usually only went to Church to see a boy that I liked and make my parents happy. I lived with this cognitive dissonance between my head and heart. I knew that God was real and I believed in Jesus, but I was so driven by emotions and the desire to be special and liked, I often denied my God and chose to settle for things, actions, and people that I actually hated because I "thought" I needed it. I had no idea at that time that it was God all along who could fulfil me in the ways I so longed for.
The longer high school went on, the more things I got into: alcohol, lying to my parents and friends, making up stories just to feel included. My physical boundaries began to disappear, and every time I lied, cheated on a boyfriend, crossed another sexual boundary or stabbed a girlfriend in the back, I deeply loathed myself. I’d spend my private times in tears, vowing to God that I’d never do it again. But then something else would make me feel crappy…so back to the old habits I’d go. And in crept my old friend "shame" again. And then along came more self-repugnance. By 17 years old I had crossed all physical boundaries possible with boys and my heart was actually ripped to shreds. I didn’t even know how to be a friend now, and my social skills resembled co-dependency more than anything else.
University began in August 1996, and I thought I’d study Acting. It would be a new beginning, a fresh start, and I could have a new identity and new friends who didn’t know me or my past. I had been away from Church for awhile, but joined up with the BCM, a Christian organization on my campus. I was meeting so many new Christian people, and some of them seemed to have “something” that I didn’t have but really wanted. Some of the girls seemed so much more secure than me, and there was a sense of health in many of their friendships. They embraced me in a way that my past Church youth group had not.
BUT…there was also the older guy in the theatre department that showed interest in me. So as I continued to choose to feed my insecurity and pain with male attention, I found myself away from God completely and deeper in the world's philosophies than I had ever been. Clubs, alcohol and lies prevailed in my life. My skirts got shorter, my outlook on life got darker, I forgot how to dream about my future, and my shattered heart now grew hard. Shame became what drove me instead of the approval that I had sought for so long. I even turned my back on the few girlfriends that had tried to reach out to me (Wendy & Kelly, I will always love you).
I’m so glad that God never left my side. Even when I was out at the clubs and doing things I actually despised, it seemed like I saw things everywhere or even met people that reminded me of Jesus. He always had a plan for me.
At age 19, after a night of which the horrible details I will not mention, I MET JESUS. I didn’t read about Him in my Bible or listen to some preacher tell me about Him or have an emotional high at some summer youth camp…HE came to me. It happened one night while I was lying in bed completely full of fear (I thought I was either pregnant or had HIV...neither of which were a reality, Praise God). It was in the darkest point of the night when your heart hurts the most and the negative voices become the loudest…Jesus held my hand. Whether or not it was a dream, I don’t care. All I know is that Jesus literally and physically held my hand. And instead of self-revulsion and torment, my Mom’s words resonated from a few nights before…”Mandy, you’re old enough to make your own decisions, but you need to remember that God created you for something much bigger and better than all this…” It’s at that point that I think I really MET JESUS and gave my whole life to Him. It's like I saw things with different eyes..
I remembered the BCM. I went back there the following week and spoke to Brenda, the minister there, who embraced me despite my brutal honesty and fear of being rejected again. I then left the theatre department to study Sociology, and made some healthy female friendships at the BCM that led me closer to both Jesus and health. In April of 1998, God again came to me (at my request) and empowered me by giving me the fullness of the Holy Spirit. I have never been the same, and I also thank BRENDA CRIM to this day for the influence she had on my life.
I’d be lying if I said it was easy after that. There were layers of insecurities, unhealthy learned defence mechanisms and wrong thinking that I have had to shed through things such as counselling and attending Hillsong College in Sydney. There have been people I’ve had to forgive (including myself), and lessons in love that I’ve had to learn. The difference is that NOW, I don’t have to dull the pain with an addiction or with lies, and I can feel special without having a co-dependent relationship.
I’ll be even more brutally honest with you…even as a born-again Christian, I spent years trying to go back to this old way of existing! I realized a few years before coming to Australia that I could not settle for just “existence” in my old life because Jesus has given me a brand NEW life. For me, it’s no longer about existing with a few occasional “good days”; it’s about living everyday without the torrent of shame and voices that tell me there is something wrong with me, and that I’m not good enough. I now live a life where my Jesus and my healthy Church daily reminds me that I AM LOVED. I now have a reason to live that is bigger than just my own self. I’m now proud to say that I even go to Church. Life is not the same.
The Bible best summarizes my story (and every born-again Christian’s story) in Ephesians 2:1-10: “It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah. Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do.”
And in saying all of that, I’ll end with another few scriptures that explain why I do what I do, and where my life is going.
Philippians 3:7-9 and 12-14: 7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith…. 12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Acts 20:24: However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
And THAT is my story. It can be yours too, if you want it....
The truth is, if you read nothing else of this story, all you really need to know about me is this: Jesus rescued me. Not just from “hell”, but from myself. He rescued me, gave me beauty for the ashes of my life (as seen in Isaiah 61:3), and then restored me and gave me so much more in life than I ever deserved.
So if you’re still reading my story, I guess I better start at the beginning with all the gory details. I grew up as an only child in a Christian family in America’s “bible belt” where there is almost literally a Church on every corner. I attended quite religious Churches where I was always made to feel crappy about SOMETHING that I wasn’t doing or should be doing. I know it wasn’t their intention, but these “religious experiences” really wounded my heart and left me feeling like I’d never be “good enough.”
Maybe it’s because I’m an only child, but I realized quickly that doing excellent in school and making the best grades in the class was certain to gain me great attention and make me feel better about myself. I’m so thankful to say that my parents were never guilty of ever making me feel like I had to perform for their approval; however, something inside of me constantly felt like I had to be the best to be approved by people, even by other kids (I rathered being a “nerd” than not noticed at all). I learned to despise myself if I wasn’t “the best.” But by the time that 6th & 7th grade came along, I realized that there were kids much smarter and more talented than me. I remember 8th grade when I only won 3 of the big 5 awards the grade offered, and I was devastated and deeply shamed for weeks after. Again, I had proved to myself that I wasn’t “special.”
8th grade is also when boys began to notice me. In this I found a less arduous way to get attention to fill the emptiness in my heart and silence the voices that constantly accused me of being “messed up.” I was still involved in Church, but because my behaviour with the boys was less than “godly” in some ways, I was often at the center of gossip. Some of the kids even felt the need to tell me all the hurtful things that their parents had said about me. My poor heart was a mess, so I learned to lie to keep the “Church people” happy.
By 10th grade boys were an addiction. I was always too afraid to try drugs, but male attention seemed to be the thing that kept me going. I was also too “religious” to have sex, but other physical things seemed ok for me. My heart grew further away from the Church because of how I was treated, and the deep shame that I lived with kept me from God. I usually only went to Church to see a boy that I liked and make my parents happy. I lived with this cognitive dissonance between my head and heart. I knew that God was real and I believed in Jesus, but I was so driven by emotions and the desire to be special and liked, I often denied my God and chose to settle for things, actions, and people that I actually hated because I "thought" I needed it. I had no idea at that time that it was God all along who could fulfil me in the ways I so longed for.
The longer high school went on, the more things I got into: alcohol, lying to my parents and friends, making up stories just to feel included. My physical boundaries began to disappear, and every time I lied, cheated on a boyfriend, crossed another sexual boundary or stabbed a girlfriend in the back, I deeply loathed myself. I’d spend my private times in tears, vowing to God that I’d never do it again. But then something else would make me feel crappy…so back to the old habits I’d go. And in crept my old friend "shame" again. And then along came more self-repugnance. By 17 years old I had crossed all physical boundaries possible with boys and my heart was actually ripped to shreds. I didn’t even know how to be a friend now, and my social skills resembled co-dependency more than anything else.
University began in August 1996, and I thought I’d study Acting. It would be a new beginning, a fresh start, and I could have a new identity and new friends who didn’t know me or my past. I had been away from Church for awhile, but joined up with the BCM, a Christian organization on my campus. I was meeting so many new Christian people, and some of them seemed to have “something” that I didn’t have but really wanted. Some of the girls seemed so much more secure than me, and there was a sense of health in many of their friendships. They embraced me in a way that my past Church youth group had not.
BUT…there was also the older guy in the theatre department that showed interest in me. So as I continued to choose to feed my insecurity and pain with male attention, I found myself away from God completely and deeper in the world's philosophies than I had ever been. Clubs, alcohol and lies prevailed in my life. My skirts got shorter, my outlook on life got darker, I forgot how to dream about my future, and my shattered heart now grew hard. Shame became what drove me instead of the approval that I had sought for so long. I even turned my back on the few girlfriends that had tried to reach out to me (Wendy & Kelly, I will always love you).
I’m so glad that God never left my side. Even when I was out at the clubs and doing things I actually despised, it seemed like I saw things everywhere or even met people that reminded me of Jesus. He always had a plan for me.
At age 19, after a night of which the horrible details I will not mention, I MET JESUS. I didn’t read about Him in my Bible or listen to some preacher tell me about Him or have an emotional high at some summer youth camp…HE came to me. It happened one night while I was lying in bed completely full of fear (I thought I was either pregnant or had HIV...neither of which were a reality, Praise God). It was in the darkest point of the night when your heart hurts the most and the negative voices become the loudest…Jesus held my hand. Whether or not it was a dream, I don’t care. All I know is that Jesus literally and physically held my hand. And instead of self-revulsion and torment, my Mom’s words resonated from a few nights before…”Mandy, you’re old enough to make your own decisions, but you need to remember that God created you for something much bigger and better than all this…” It’s at that point that I think I really MET JESUS and gave my whole life to Him. It's like I saw things with different eyes..
I remembered the BCM. I went back there the following week and spoke to Brenda, the minister there, who embraced me despite my brutal honesty and fear of being rejected again. I then left the theatre department to study Sociology, and made some healthy female friendships at the BCM that led me closer to both Jesus and health. In April of 1998, God again came to me (at my request) and empowered me by giving me the fullness of the Holy Spirit. I have never been the same, and I also thank BRENDA CRIM to this day for the influence she had on my life.
I’d be lying if I said it was easy after that. There were layers of insecurities, unhealthy learned defence mechanisms and wrong thinking that I have had to shed through things such as counselling and attending Hillsong College in Sydney. There have been people I’ve had to forgive (including myself), and lessons in love that I’ve had to learn. The difference is that NOW, I don’t have to dull the pain with an addiction or with lies, and I can feel special without having a co-dependent relationship.
I’ll be even more brutally honest with you…even as a born-again Christian, I spent years trying to go back to this old way of existing! I realized a few years before coming to Australia that I could not settle for just “existence” in my old life because Jesus has given me a brand NEW life. For me, it’s no longer about existing with a few occasional “good days”; it’s about living everyday without the torrent of shame and voices that tell me there is something wrong with me, and that I’m not good enough. I now live a life where my Jesus and my healthy Church daily reminds me that I AM LOVED. I now have a reason to live that is bigger than just my own self. I’m now proud to say that I even go to Church. Life is not the same.
The Bible best summarizes my story (and every born-again Christian’s story) in Ephesians 2:1-10: “It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah. Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do.”
And in saying all of that, I’ll end with another few scriptures that explain why I do what I do, and where my life is going.
Philippians 3:7-9 and 12-14: 7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith…. 12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Acts 20:24: However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace.
And THAT is my story. It can be yours too, if you want it....
Friday, September 19, 2008
TRUST
In my experience of our great and mighty Lord, He has always been gentle and kind in the way He teaches me. Even in the midst of great discipline (because as a Father, he disciplines those He loves), He has never made me feel condemnation or shame for my behaviour (or lack of understanding). God is a gentleman, and will never leave your side while you're learning to restructure your thinking, or learn new behavior patterns, or even give up bad habits. He is FULL of grace, even when you screw up time and time again.
In saying that, I know that our beautiful God would be much more gracious in His words and actions than what I am about to say, but I am not Him. I needed someone to say it to me recently, so I am going to say it to you: IF you call yourself a "Christian" or one who follows Jesus, THEN YOU MUST LEARN TO TRUST GOD!
Do you believe in God?
Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God and died for our sins?
Do you believe that God is "all powerful" and that He can do anything?
Do you believe that He cares about you?
Do you believe that He cares about what your future looks like, and how you fit into it?
Do you believe that you MATTER to Him?
If you answered yes to these questions (even only "most" of them)..........then what gives you and I the audacity to WORRY about things????
When I say "worry, " I'm not talking about asking for prayer about a sick relative or a financial situation gone wrong, or a broken relationship. God loves it when we come to Him in prayer and ask Him to show off His muscles and help us. I'm talking about when we get so consumed with these issues that it turns into actual WORRY and we can hardly concentrate on the beautiful things because we are being tormented by thoughts of the things that concern us.
There's the famous passage in Matthew chapter 6 that I can read over and over again about worry. God's words don't return void, so that would definitely help. BUT, what I've come to realize is that many believers use Matt.6 as a "band aid" to help for the time being, but in reality they don't actually BELIEVE God.
So I'm SHOUTING IT OUT today (for my own benefit, and yours), that GOD CAN BE TRUSTED. He's faithful, isn't he? Jesus said that the devil was the "father of lies," not God (John 8:44)....so if God is TRUTH, LOVE, KINDNESS, FAITHFUL....If he always keeps His promises because HE CANNOT DO ANYTHING ELSE...then why don't we believe Him?
The Bible also says that God is not a liar...that He cannot change...that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So if this is true as well, then it's simple: He has to keep His promises. It is not in His nature or capacity to do otherwise. God must remain faithful.
So if God promises to "not harm you," then you will not be harmed unless you allow harm to come upon yourself (again, because of His free will to you). See some of His promises below:
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."
And again, Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
What about Psalm 89:33, "..but I will not take my love from him, nor will I ever betray my faithfulness."
And Psalm 91:9,10, "If you make the Most High your dwelling--even the Lord, who is my refuge--then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent."
Isaiah 45: 2, 3, "I will go before you and will level the mountains, I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."
Finally, Jesus Himself proclaims in John 10:10, "The thief [satan] comes only to kill, steal, and destroy. But I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full!"
So if God cannot lie.....if God MUST keep His promises to us.....then why do we worry? WHY WORRY?????
I know this isn't my usual writing style but I am really fired up about this today. I have spent almost 30 years of my life being WORRIED about things that ALWAYS have worked out better than I could have imagined. And I watch my friends and family get sucked into the same lies that I have....being tormented by worry that God sees as a little speck of nothingness He can easily wipe away.
Trust God. And if you can't......maybe you need to get to know Him again (or for the first time). Our trust in Him is one of the keys that separates us as Christians from the rest of the world.
In saying that, I know that our beautiful God would be much more gracious in His words and actions than what I am about to say, but I am not Him. I needed someone to say it to me recently, so I am going to say it to you: IF you call yourself a "Christian" or one who follows Jesus, THEN YOU MUST LEARN TO TRUST GOD!
Do you believe in God?
Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God and died for our sins?
Do you believe that God is "all powerful" and that He can do anything?
Do you believe that He cares about you?
Do you believe that He cares about what your future looks like, and how you fit into it?
Do you believe that you MATTER to Him?
If you answered yes to these questions (even only "most" of them)..........then what gives you and I the audacity to WORRY about things????
When I say "worry, " I'm not talking about asking for prayer about a sick relative or a financial situation gone wrong, or a broken relationship. God loves it when we come to Him in prayer and ask Him to show off His muscles and help us. I'm talking about when we get so consumed with these issues that it turns into actual WORRY and we can hardly concentrate on the beautiful things because we are being tormented by thoughts of the things that concern us.
There's the famous passage in Matthew chapter 6 that I can read over and over again about worry. God's words don't return void, so that would definitely help. BUT, what I've come to realize is that many believers use Matt.6 as a "band aid" to help for the time being, but in reality they don't actually BELIEVE God.
So I'm SHOUTING IT OUT today (for my own benefit, and yours), that GOD CAN BE TRUSTED. He's faithful, isn't he? Jesus said that the devil was the "father of lies," not God (John 8:44)....so if God is TRUTH, LOVE, KINDNESS, FAITHFUL....If he always keeps His promises because HE CANNOT DO ANYTHING ELSE...then why don't we believe Him?
The Bible also says that God is not a liar...that He cannot change...that He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. So if this is true as well, then it's simple: He has to keep His promises. It is not in His nature or capacity to do otherwise. God must remain faithful.
So if God promises to "not harm you," then you will not be harmed unless you allow harm to come upon yourself (again, because of His free will to you). See some of His promises below:
Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."
And again, Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
What about Psalm 89:33, "..but I will not take my love from him, nor will I ever betray my faithfulness."
And Psalm 91:9,10, "If you make the Most High your dwelling--even the Lord, who is my refuge--then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent."
Isaiah 45: 2, 3, "I will go before you and will level the mountains, I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."
Finally, Jesus Himself proclaims in John 10:10, "The thief [satan] comes only to kill, steal, and destroy. But I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full!"
So if God cannot lie.....if God MUST keep His promises to us.....then why do we worry? WHY WORRY?????
I know this isn't my usual writing style but I am really fired up about this today. I have spent almost 30 years of my life being WORRIED about things that ALWAYS have worked out better than I could have imagined. And I watch my friends and family get sucked into the same lies that I have....being tormented by worry that God sees as a little speck of nothingness He can easily wipe away.
Trust God. And if you can't......maybe you need to get to know Him again (or for the first time). Our trust in Him is one of the keys that separates us as Christians from the rest of the world.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Wide Awake
When I realized a few years ago that being called to “full time ministry” may not look like what I imagined, I thought the best way to “build the Kingdom” was simply to pour my life and spare time into volunteering. I thought that working part time in a café and spending all extra time serving at Church would not only fulfil me, but would also be the deciding factor of whether or not I was living a “full life” (and maybe even get me onto a Church staff). My greatest desire the past 4 years has been to live extraordinarily and not to settle for ordinary living. Somehow though, I allowed myself to believe that “extraordinary” could only be attained by diligently serving a Church structure (in a Christian bubble) until one day the desires of my heart would “magically” come true. This works for some because God does honour our faithfulness. But for me, getting out of the bubble and turning my heart toward GOD instead of ministry has been the key.
Slowly but surely, God has taken me on a journey of finding out why He created me and how He wants to use for His glory the things that I’ve always enjoyed doing. Somewhere along that path I realized that although I love the Church and believe that she (as the body and bride of Jesus) is the hope for humanity, I personally am created to do something outside of the walls and structure of the Church. I will serve the Church, believe in the Church, and support the Church with my finances. But I fully understood today, for the first time in years, that I am an ARTIST, created to colour my world with brighter colours than those with veiled eyes have ever seen! This is the desire of my heart, and I am finally wide awake enough to see that this is what “full time ministry” looks like for me.
Erwin McManus says in his book “Wide Awake” something that really grabs my heart. He says, “Every time you refuse to leave the world in the condition it is in, you are re-creating. Every time you extend yourself to make someone else’s life better, you are part of the creative process. You are adding beauty to the most important of all canvases…Creativity isn’t the luxury of artists; it is the calling of humanity. Because the world is in decay, you must create…Creativity is the natural result of spirituality. When you are alive, you will create—and it will be breathtaking and life giving.” (page 176).
I’m beginning to see that my function in this body of Christ is more about helping those with veiled eyes to see their own lives in colour. I want to keep introducing new hues to them, speak purpose into them, and let the Holy Spirit use me to teach them. Due to the way God made me, I would suffocate by being confined to only building a large canvas or mixing paint or restoring old masterpieces. I long and ache to be the artist who goes into the dirtiest, darkest parts of humanity and begins to paint with the brightest colours known. I want to be the writer commissioned by the Church to go into the most dangerous parts of nations and change the story of the people. I want to write a new history….I yearn to paint over the dark shades with brilliant new tones. I will point them in the direction of the Church and bring them in to be restored and hang in the gallery of the saints. But my greatest desire is just to meet with them in their own dark gardens and help them see beauty; not to build a canvas for them or get them included in a museum.
So for me, “extraordinary” looks like re-creating the world by focusing my passions, energies, and talents on what is in my own heart. Extraordinary means stepping back from some of my volunteering at Church to do other things. One of these things is risking my greatest fear (rejection) in order to work on writing something that will change someone’s life. It means using my spare time to paint canvases that will raise money for AIDS orphans and HIV positive women in Africa. It means learning Spanish fluently so that my husband and I can some day minister to the people group that is most on my heart. It means letting go of a fear of what “leadership” thinks of me so that I can live out what I know the Lord thinks of me.
It’s funny how even the colours in my own garden look so much brighter when I’m living wide awake….
Slowly but surely, God has taken me on a journey of finding out why He created me and how He wants to use for His glory the things that I’ve always enjoyed doing. Somewhere along that path I realized that although I love the Church and believe that she (as the body and bride of Jesus) is the hope for humanity, I personally am created to do something outside of the walls and structure of the Church. I will serve the Church, believe in the Church, and support the Church with my finances. But I fully understood today, for the first time in years, that I am an ARTIST, created to colour my world with brighter colours than those with veiled eyes have ever seen! This is the desire of my heart, and I am finally wide awake enough to see that this is what “full time ministry” looks like for me.
Erwin McManus says in his book “Wide Awake” something that really grabs my heart. He says, “Every time you refuse to leave the world in the condition it is in, you are re-creating. Every time you extend yourself to make someone else’s life better, you are part of the creative process. You are adding beauty to the most important of all canvases…Creativity isn’t the luxury of artists; it is the calling of humanity. Because the world is in decay, you must create…Creativity is the natural result of spirituality. When you are alive, you will create—and it will be breathtaking and life giving.” (page 176).
I’m beginning to see that my function in this body of Christ is more about helping those with veiled eyes to see their own lives in colour. I want to keep introducing new hues to them, speak purpose into them, and let the Holy Spirit use me to teach them. Due to the way God made me, I would suffocate by being confined to only building a large canvas or mixing paint or restoring old masterpieces. I long and ache to be the artist who goes into the dirtiest, darkest parts of humanity and begins to paint with the brightest colours known. I want to be the writer commissioned by the Church to go into the most dangerous parts of nations and change the story of the people. I want to write a new history….I yearn to paint over the dark shades with brilliant new tones. I will point them in the direction of the Church and bring them in to be restored and hang in the gallery of the saints. But my greatest desire is just to meet with them in their own dark gardens and help them see beauty; not to build a canvas for them or get them included in a museum.
So for me, “extraordinary” looks like re-creating the world by focusing my passions, energies, and talents on what is in my own heart. Extraordinary means stepping back from some of my volunteering at Church to do other things. One of these things is risking my greatest fear (rejection) in order to work on writing something that will change someone’s life. It means using my spare time to paint canvases that will raise money for AIDS orphans and HIV positive women in Africa. It means learning Spanish fluently so that my husband and I can some day minister to the people group that is most on my heart. It means letting go of a fear of what “leadership” thinks of me so that I can live out what I know the Lord thinks of me.
It’s funny how even the colours in my own garden look so much brighter when I’m living wide awake….
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Just Simply Sing--The Venezuelan Cow Story
I’m not sure if anyone has ever asked you what I’m about to ask you. In fact, I can almost 100% guarantee that no one has asked you this question before me! Here it is: Have you ever sang to a cow in the Andes Mountains of South America while at the front of a 3 car pile-up? Random, I know. But perhaps the funniest part about the question is that I can answer “yes” to it. Well, I can kind of answer yes to it. I wasn’t the person who actually sang to the cow, but I did witness this fortuitous display of vocal charm while doing a short term mission trip to Venezuela in 2001. And may I add that this is a day I will never forget!
Imagine in your mind’s eye a long, winding road going upward into the tropical mountains that you would see in a “National Geographic” magazine. Almost entirely rock and steep tropical jungle brush to one side, but on the other side…let’s just say if you hate heights you don’t want to look down! There is no railing on the “drop off” side, and the road is just barely wide enough for only the smallest of vehicles to pass. Now imagine yourself on an old bus that holds about 20 people. It’s dank, it’s humid and sticky, and the driver is a short, elderly Spanish man with a large belly and missing teeth. Rather like being in a movie, isn’t it?
I don’t really remember our destination that day, but images of that dim-witted cow are forever burned into my memory. You see, we were going up on this winding road in our old bus, and there were two small cars behind us. There aren’t really road rules in Venezuela (or should I say, road rules aren’t completely followed there), so we were actually racing up the mountain road. There were eleven of us, all a bit enthralled by the country side but likewise quite nervous at the speed the bus driver was taking. We were just coming up to a tropical area when we felt a jerk and the back of the bus (where I was sitting) swerved off the road, over the cliffs to one side, and then back onto the road again! You see, a cow had come from the jungle and made it’s way down onto the road in front of us, and would not move for anything. We stopped sharply, as did the two cars behind us, and our journey was put on hold while we tried to get the cow to go back up into the mountains so that we could continue. My heart still races even thinking about it all! But it was definitely a great personal lesson to me.
This is what I’m dealing with currently that I’m sure everyone can identify with: How can I get by when things are piling up around me and I feel like I can’t make it over the mountain? Proverbs 15:24 says “The path of life leads upward for the wise…”, but what happens when your journey “up” comes to a screeching halt because of a road block? How do you continue the journey to your destination when something suddenly blocks your path?
“ ‘Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,’ says the Lord. ” –Isaiah 54:1
In Isaiah, the Hebrew word for “barren” means incapable of producing life; sterile. There will always be times in life when we feel “lifeless” and “sterile.” But the scripture says here that the person who is barren should SING, should burst into song and shout for joy. Even when we don’t know how to continue, “singing” will always work to get us through.
When a person sings praises to God, they are less likely to give up because their focus is not on their circumstances, but on the beauty of the Lord. Singing isn’t necessarily being on “Idol” level, either. Just opening your mouth and declaring the good things in your life…the goodness of God…is enough to make the road blocks disappear. Every human also has a small amount of influence in someone’s life. So when we allow these roadblocks to hold us back, we also hold back the people who are following us.
Now quickly back to the cow story. You see, the greatest part of this story is that we finally got the cow to move…but only after our bus driver SANG to it! I know it sounds absurd, but our beautiful little Spanish bus driver realized that the cow wasn’t going to move by force, so he simply sang an old Spanish love song to the animal. Literally within seconds, the cow hustled off into the mountain again, and we were able to continue on our journey with the two little cars also following behind us.
Based on what I learned that day, here are three things that I’m learning to do to “sing” my way over that mountain:
1. Make a choice.
--Deut.30:20 says “therefore, choose life…” It’s simply a choice.
-- Isa.54:1 begins with a lack of life (barren), but after singing, it ends with abundant life (more are the children of the desolate woman..)!
Imagine what you’d miss if you DIDN’T choose to sing….
2. Open your mouth.
--Rom.12:11 “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the
WORD of their testimony…” If you are a Christian, then this promise is
for you! What is your “testimony?” How has Jesus changed your life?
What are all the good things that God has done for you? After you make a
choice, all you have to do is verbalize it to God (and to your enemy).
3. Don’t give up.
--In Genesis 32, Jacob wrestles with God and doesn’t give up. He’s hurt, he’s tired, he’s wrestling with GOD, but he doesn’t give up all night! You cannot give up…just keep singing.
At the moment in my life, things have the appearance of being rather difficult at times. My wonderful husband and I are on a journey with a destination in mind, but it seems that we keep being given these roadblocks that hold us back. I guess more than anything, I just want to learn to sing consistently, whether in good times or bad. I have to choose, to actually take action, and not give up. I refuse to live an ORDINARY life.
Honestly now, singing to a cow in the Andes Mountains is hardly ordinary :)
Imagine in your mind’s eye a long, winding road going upward into the tropical mountains that you would see in a “National Geographic” magazine. Almost entirely rock and steep tropical jungle brush to one side, but on the other side…let’s just say if you hate heights you don’t want to look down! There is no railing on the “drop off” side, and the road is just barely wide enough for only the smallest of vehicles to pass. Now imagine yourself on an old bus that holds about 20 people. It’s dank, it’s humid and sticky, and the driver is a short, elderly Spanish man with a large belly and missing teeth. Rather like being in a movie, isn’t it?
I don’t really remember our destination that day, but images of that dim-witted cow are forever burned into my memory. You see, we were going up on this winding road in our old bus, and there were two small cars behind us. There aren’t really road rules in Venezuela (or should I say, road rules aren’t completely followed there), so we were actually racing up the mountain road. There were eleven of us, all a bit enthralled by the country side but likewise quite nervous at the speed the bus driver was taking. We were just coming up to a tropical area when we felt a jerk and the back of the bus (where I was sitting) swerved off the road, over the cliffs to one side, and then back onto the road again! You see, a cow had come from the jungle and made it’s way down onto the road in front of us, and would not move for anything. We stopped sharply, as did the two cars behind us, and our journey was put on hold while we tried to get the cow to go back up into the mountains so that we could continue. My heart still races even thinking about it all! But it was definitely a great personal lesson to me.
This is what I’m dealing with currently that I’m sure everyone can identify with: How can I get by when things are piling up around me and I feel like I can’t make it over the mountain? Proverbs 15:24 says “The path of life leads upward for the wise…”, but what happens when your journey “up” comes to a screeching halt because of a road block? How do you continue the journey to your destination when something suddenly blocks your path?
“ ‘Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband,’ says the Lord. ” –Isaiah 54:1
In Isaiah, the Hebrew word for “barren” means incapable of producing life; sterile. There will always be times in life when we feel “lifeless” and “sterile.” But the scripture says here that the person who is barren should SING, should burst into song and shout for joy. Even when we don’t know how to continue, “singing” will always work to get us through.
When a person sings praises to God, they are less likely to give up because their focus is not on their circumstances, but on the beauty of the Lord. Singing isn’t necessarily being on “Idol” level, either. Just opening your mouth and declaring the good things in your life…the goodness of God…is enough to make the road blocks disappear. Every human also has a small amount of influence in someone’s life. So when we allow these roadblocks to hold us back, we also hold back the people who are following us.
Now quickly back to the cow story. You see, the greatest part of this story is that we finally got the cow to move…but only after our bus driver SANG to it! I know it sounds absurd, but our beautiful little Spanish bus driver realized that the cow wasn’t going to move by force, so he simply sang an old Spanish love song to the animal. Literally within seconds, the cow hustled off into the mountain again, and we were able to continue on our journey with the two little cars also following behind us.
Based on what I learned that day, here are three things that I’m learning to do to “sing” my way over that mountain:
1. Make a choice.
--Deut.30:20 says “therefore, choose life…” It’s simply a choice.
-- Isa.54:1 begins with a lack of life (barren), but after singing, it ends with abundant life (more are the children of the desolate woman..)!
Imagine what you’d miss if you DIDN’T choose to sing….
2. Open your mouth.
--Rom.12:11 “They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the
WORD of their testimony…” If you are a Christian, then this promise is
for you! What is your “testimony?” How has Jesus changed your life?
What are all the good things that God has done for you? After you make a
choice, all you have to do is verbalize it to God (and to your enemy).
3. Don’t give up.
--In Genesis 32, Jacob wrestles with God and doesn’t give up. He’s hurt, he’s tired, he’s wrestling with GOD, but he doesn’t give up all night! You cannot give up…just keep singing.
At the moment in my life, things have the appearance of being rather difficult at times. My wonderful husband and I are on a journey with a destination in mind, but it seems that we keep being given these roadblocks that hold us back. I guess more than anything, I just want to learn to sing consistently, whether in good times or bad. I have to choose, to actually take action, and not give up. I refuse to live an ORDINARY life.
Honestly now, singing to a cow in the Andes Mountains is hardly ordinary :)
A Poem for my Husband
Here I stand at your feet
So beautiful on the mountains because of the news they bring
I would wash these feet as if they were my own
Care for them and encourage them to soldier on in battle
What an honor that they ran in pursuit of me...
Here I am at the corner of your eyes
Waiting for my favorite glance
Deep eyes alive with fire and authority
Learning to see the world as the Father sees.
May He guard this pair, and may I never make them stumble.
Here I am at the corner of your mouth.
Sweet lips that resound the only Name above all
And a smile that causes me to thirst that Name
I overflow when that chosen tongue speaks gently to me
Just as Hosea says our Lover spoke to His precious in the desert
Here I stand at the corner of your heart
That beautiful secret place where Life abides
I want to sink in the depths of that heart
So similar to mine as it beats the rhythm of our Creator
Loudly, our hearts cry out in unison to His song.
Here I am at the corners of your hands
Longing to feel them holding mine
I've watched as these hands built up the body
Watched, as you desired to bring healing and hope into the hearts of the people
Oh, that I would be the encourager of these God blessed hands!
Here I am, at the corner of you.
Encouraged by your eyes that see like Him
Desiring to touch the Bride with the same gentleness and truth of your words
Every corner of you that I come around leads me to thirst for More
And every part of me is glad for this friendship.
Here I am again in the embrace of the Father
Secure in my being and alive in His hope
Rejoicing in the passion set aflame in me by your life
Together we shall capture His glance, hold His hand, have His heart.
And may you know that I will always wash your feet.
So beautiful on the mountains because of the news they bring
I would wash these feet as if they were my own
Care for them and encourage them to soldier on in battle
What an honor that they ran in pursuit of me...
Here I am at the corner of your eyes
Waiting for my favorite glance
Deep eyes alive with fire and authority
Learning to see the world as the Father sees.
May He guard this pair, and may I never make them stumble.
Here I am at the corner of your mouth.
Sweet lips that resound the only Name above all
And a smile that causes me to thirst that Name
I overflow when that chosen tongue speaks gently to me
Just as Hosea says our Lover spoke to His precious in the desert
Here I stand at the corner of your heart
That beautiful secret place where Life abides
I want to sink in the depths of that heart
So similar to mine as it beats the rhythm of our Creator
Loudly, our hearts cry out in unison to His song.
Here I am at the corners of your hands
Longing to feel them holding mine
I've watched as these hands built up the body
Watched, as you desired to bring healing and hope into the hearts of the people
Oh, that I would be the encourager of these God blessed hands!
Here I am, at the corner of you.
Encouraged by your eyes that see like Him
Desiring to touch the Bride with the same gentleness and truth of your words
Every corner of you that I come around leads me to thirst for More
And every part of me is glad for this friendship.
Here I am again in the embrace of the Father
Secure in my being and alive in His hope
Rejoicing in the passion set aflame in me by your life
Together we shall capture His glance, hold His hand, have His heart.
And may you know that I will always wash your feet.
Potter's Wheel (Poetry)
I thought about you just now and I smiled.
What a precious union are we two;
Both moist pieces of clay, lost in the eyes of the Potter
placed near one other on the same wheel called Life.
Used by Him to sculpt each other,
we can powerfully inspire those around us.
Much more than we could ever imagine;
this is what the Potter wants to do with us!
Only He knows what shape we will finish at.
And until the day that we dance with destiny,
may we only cling to the Potter's fingers
and do nothing more but draw one another
to the form of His hands.
So today as I turn again to the eyes of the Potter
You, next to me on this wheel
I give myself completely to His shaping
and I give Him Praise for this gift of Us.
May the Potter form this precious union
to create life around it and within each other.
This is what makes me smile...
What a precious union are we two;
Both moist pieces of clay, lost in the eyes of the Potter
placed near one other on the same wheel called Life.
Used by Him to sculpt each other,
we can powerfully inspire those around us.
Much more than we could ever imagine;
this is what the Potter wants to do with us!
Only He knows what shape we will finish at.
And until the day that we dance with destiny,
may we only cling to the Potter's fingers
and do nothing more but draw one another
to the form of His hands.
So today as I turn again to the eyes of the Potter
You, next to me on this wheel
I give myself completely to His shaping
and I give Him Praise for this gift of Us.
May the Potter form this precious union
to create life around it and within each other.
This is what makes me smile...
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