What do you Want?

I’m reading this book by Erwin McManus called “Wide Awake,” and I cannot tell you how inspired I am just after the very first chapter. Such revelation…challenge…thoughts…I supposed it’s just what I need at this season of life.

“Your dreams are God’s way of whispering into your soul, ‘There’s more to you than you know. There’s more available to you than you can imagine. There’s an extraordinary life awaiting you if you would trust Me.’” (page 22)

How amazing is the human heart? Just in reading those few lines, I am overcome by a flood of emotion: Excitement, fear, curiosity, a sense of value and purpose, and a small weight of responsibility. I guess the scariest part about it is that I am also left with the question, “What are my dreams?”

The Princeton Dictionary defines these types of dreams as: an ambition or cherished desire. Personally, I like the phrase “cherished desire” mostly because it appeals to your soul and makes you think more about your deepest longings and less about the things that you are “good” at. A dream isn’t even necessarily the thing that you want to accomplish in the next 5 years. What Erwin is referring to is that deep, mostly unspoken desire that no one but maybe your journal knows about…that “cherished desire” that makes your heart heat up and can make your stomach fall. Even as I’m writing this, I’m thinking to myself, “Do I even know how to dream anymore?”

Jesus said in Matthew 18:3, 4 that unless we are like little children, we will never see the Kingdom of heaven. Erwin McManus says that Jesus uses the children to make a point because children have imagination. Could it be that as adults, we have lost just enough imagination that we are unable to dream as we were created to dream?

In the book “The Last Battle,” the final of C.S. Lewis’ “Chronicles of Narnia” series, one of the main children called Susan never makes her way to Aslan’s undying lands because she has chosen “…nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on growing up” (page 506, “The Complete Chronicles of Narnia”). The thing that saddens me so much about Susan is that she had already been to Narnia. Susan had already partially lived a dream, but somewhere in her longing to grow up she forgot her imagination and gave into the distractions of the “adult” world.

God forbid that I am ever like Susan in this respect. I believe Narnia’s Lady Polly put it best: “Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one’s life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can” (page 506).

How many people rush to get into the “real world,” and then allow it to impose upon their soul’s greatest desires? Sadly for many of us, things like abuse and tragedy have robbed enough of our innocence to make us feel like our dreams aren’t worth much (if anything) at all.

But as Erwin McManus says, what if Jesus Himself stood before me and asked me to my face, “Mandy, what do you want?” What would I even say? Do I remember what my dreams are, or would I settle for asking Him to do something like pay off our credit card bills, or make me slimmer, or give Carston that sea kayak he’s wanted for ages? I say that these things would be settling because I believe that God wants me (and you) to dream BIGGER. The bigger I dream, the more He can show off!

This moment, I am thinking of what I would ask Jesus. One thought I have is for Him to alleviate poverty, sickness, abuse and starvation among children…that’s definitely a dream I have. But I sense His response: “NO Mandy, because then what part would YOU get to play if I just wave a magic wand? Mandy, don’t you get it…I want to USE YOU…and in using you, you are fulfilled.”

So what is my dream for me then? I think the answer is found in what makes me most alive.

Saint Irenaeus is known for having said, “The glory of God is man fully alive.” Saint Irenaeus must have been talking about my friend Daryl. You see, Daryl is a powerful minister who moves quite “prophetically.” This means that Daryl hears from God pretty much all the time. It sounds crazy, but Daryl has a relationship with God that is so strong, God tells him encouraging things to say to people, mostly so that they can find healing for their hearts and come to know Jesus Christ. There is little as wonderful as when Daryl hears from God. He comes ALIVE…not like someone on speed or as if he’s had too many anti-depressants or anything like that. It’s more like the “life” you see when a 6 year old opens that much desired toy on Christmas morning, or the beauty and energy that you find on a wedding day. Sadly though, these two illustrations barely describe what I mean…

“The glory of God is man fully alive.” I believe that when Daryl ministers to someone in this way, God is brought great glory. But not because of the fact that Daryl is doing something for God; God is glorified because Daryl does what we was created to do. He was created to minister in this specific way, and I believe that I was as well. But our dreams for how we fulfil this are different. Likewise, some of my friends were created for business and not ministry, which glorifies God as well.

We can bring glory to God in many ways. But to be THE GLORY OF GOD…we have to find ourselves fully alive (like Daryl). And to be fully alive, we need a crazy trust in God and an imagination that allows us to dream, despite living in the adult world.

I’m still not sure what I “want,” but I do know that I do NOT want to be like Susan.